The Story
Daniel Greene is on his way to work when a car comes round the corner at a high speed, Daniel brakes and swerves to avoid the car which loses control and hits an embankment getting his car stuck. Daniel gets out of his car and runs over to the other car and a young man in a hoodie gets out.
This is Jason Deaton, he looks over the car and runs his hands through his head exasperated, obviously very agitated, Daniel runs up to him to make sure he is ok. Jason is fine but upset as he is on his way to his fathers funeral and he is running late since it was so far away. They try to call a taxi and a tow truck, but they will take hours to get there and they are miles from the closest garage.
Daniel is about to leave but then decides to take Jason to the funeral, he calls up work explaining what happened and telling them he's going to be late, they tell him if he isn't in on time he is fired.
After hearing this Daniel loses his temper and tells them to stick it.
He takes Jason to the funeral and on the way finds out that Jason and his father had a huge argument a few years ago and haven't spoken since, Jason is upset that he never got to say goodbye and how he feels his father passed thinking little of him.
Daniel then pulls over and they quickly change clothes, so Jason is wearing smart clothing for the funeral, Daniel drops Jason off is invited inside, he declines but stays in the car and has a nap.
It cuts to the next week and Daniel is sending off CV's he gets a phone call from Jason, who tells him his father left him the large family business and needs someone to help him run it.
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My initial changes to the story was to have Jason's father own the company that fired Daniel, to which Daniel then becomes in charge of alongside Jason.
I thought that this would add a link between them and add a new dynamic to the story.
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After a lesson with Steve Coombes we were talking about how films can change in the middle, such as in Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho you think its a Heist film but then at the mid point it switches to a murder and physiological thriller film.
I then decided to do the same thing with my story, Daniel decides to help Jason because of his own history with his father, he calls his work and they fire him, my hope is that people kind of guess the previous plot, that Jason will be left the family business and hire Daniel, however I decided to change that to Jason pulls a gun on Daniel and tells him to drive on the country roads as the police are looking for him because he robbed a bank.
I thought that this twist will add a much better dynamic to my story and make it much more interesting.
Daniel drives and helps Jason get away, using his knowledge of the area to avoid the police.
They reach a safe area and Jason makes Daniel get out of the car with the intention of killing him.
This is where I am up to with the ending.
I have three options in my mind:
1) Jason kills Daniel.
2) Jason hires Daniel on as a driver for a new heist.
3) Daniel kills Jason and takes the bag of money, investing it into a new business venture.
Hi simon - to be honest, i think your original idea is much better and has more potential for a believable story. Whilst it's good to sometimes switch genre abruptly - i don't think so in this case. I don't think its obvious at all about the link the characters have and i think if you can create the characters interesting enough then it will work. Make it clear Daniel has issues with his own dad, or he is clearly selfish and this meeting makes him open to change... i really think you have the makings here for a good story. the bank robber - whilst seemingly "dramatic" just seems out of place and much harder to pull off.
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